ShootingStar, I have moved on and you basically summarised how I've been feeling. Reckon I've healed so much that I'm in disbelief that I'm so okay after such a heartbreaking fall out. He's always been such a detached person. One of the reasons we argued and fought so much was because I understood him too well, if that's possible. I knew what he would do, say, and how he would react before he did anything. Put too much pressure on him and he felt like I was overbearing and possessive because of it when in reality, it was just me being perceptive. I've learned from my mistakes and know that I have to let people walk their own path even if I don't necessarily agree with it. Their life is their own just like mine is too. The cut and dry break up is the worst. One always ends up more hurt while the other gets to continue on as though you never met. Removing all indication of the past relationship from Social Media and everywhere else. Pretty terrible. I do want him back and for whatever reason, have a deep-rooted feeling, we weren't ready for the sort of commitment required for such an emotional relationship since we had both come out of long-term relationships prior to being together. Never had a chance to work on our issues individually before being there for each other.

es4life, you have such a great attitude and outlook on life. My main issue is exactly what you stated - dating other people and having it turn out wrong because it reminded me how much I love my ex. I'm also not a half-caring type person. I'm either going to give it my all or nothing. No in-between which has worked against me in the past. Live and let live, I guess.

Last edited by camber (4/27/2016 7:06 pm)

ShootingStar wrote:

es4life I like your vibe, I'm on a similar wave to you I feel, I have deep abandonment issues and in a place where I sort of expect to be abandoned even by people I only met who show interest I immediately just feel like they're just going to leave so why bother get into it too much, but I know that's going to kill my enjoyment of life so I'm trying to get back to the innocence I had before about relationships !

camber- I feel that you have genuinely moved on, there's a recurring line in so many songs that goes like 'it hurts when it's healed too' which means that you can actually be moved on from someone but still miss them or the relationship and also the shock of having that contact cut from you can bring up feelings of confusion and sadness too. I hate cut and dry break ups, I much prefer break ups where I feel I can contact my ex and they will reply and it gets to the stage where I can just move on gradually. A cut and dry break up would be too hard for me, it would haunt me and make it so hard to move on for me. My person who I'm attracting right now tried to sort of go cut and dry because this girl wanted him too, he told me to not contact him or something...anyway he ended up having light communications with me through the year because I just decided that he was just NOT going to do that. I pestered a little, but it was when I stopped the pestering and then spoke from my heart that he went against his 'girlfriends' wishes and contacted me back. That's how I know we're getting back together. If you do think that your person is one of those stone-cold exs who almost pride themselves on the fact they 'never go back', well then you will be stuck in that resistance. But, just to say, no human can really follow rigid laws where emotions and love are concerned, people change behaviours all the time when they feel they missed out or made a mistake or are losing something special. However, from a LOA point of view, the fact that you feel happier than ever without him does indicate that your emotions and inner being is telling you that you should be without him right now. Doesn't mean you can't miss him or maybe desire contact, but go with the flow, don't go down a path that your inner self doesn't want to go, if you're happy, keep doing what your doing, you'll probably see him back soon that way too actually, that's how it goes.

Shootingstar

Yup, abandonment issues indeed suck. It's funny how I used to take pride in the ability to stay detached. I had this rule, I wouldn't get intimate with a guy if I'm not okay with not seeing him ever again, in other words i treated every goodbye like the last goodbye, for life. Because of that attitude I was always able to stay right in the moment on dates and be really carefree, that attracted many guys and I ended up hurting them all. I didn't realize how unhealthy and detrimental that was until I caught them feels...

One thing my guy taught me about love though, I learned from being with him that in love is feels better to give than to take. He used to ask me what I was looking for and I never wanted to answer. I never wanted to be like okay, so I'm looking for a relationship now and I want you to fill this hole, if you don't want to I'm gonna find myself someone else. It feels so impersonal, not special and that's just not me. I'd rather meet someone great and go hey, I really like you and would like to share my life with you although I'm doing fine on my own. So after all this I told him, look, I think I love you, I'm just saying this because I want to let you know and you don't need to say it back. To be able to love no matter what you say or do is my freedom and my pride in love and I want to keep it, I will love you for as long as I feel this way and you're 100% free to do whatever you want to do.

Camber, Conventional dating advice aside, in terms of loa, I think you can start telling yourself a new story, in which he is not as detached and so on. If you look at my story you know people change, I changed for example, from a person who's always detached to someone who's no longer afraid of her own feelings and who is open to love. You can do this if you want to.