I feel inspired to write this as I have recently had an interraction with the person I would like to be with and I realised something. I was with him on and off for 4 years until last year when he cut ties seemingly for good, as in, our pattern seemed to be over and he seemed to want to move on. I decided that maybe the reason why I might have been so obsessed with keeping our relationship might have been ego/immaturity/ my lack of experience/ him being my first love. For this whole last year I gave myself room to move on, grieve, accept, date other people, meet other people, sleep with other people, explore being totally single and I got good at being happy and detached in fact I don't even want a boyfriend now ! I'm not desperate for love, I have so much love around me, I have attention from guys too, I even realised my full potential and realised that I'm an attractive person because I'm naturally happy and child like and I know how to enjoy myself and joke and laugh. I thought, wow, maybe I'm over the person I want, maybe if I saw him again after all of this, I won't want him...Well I saw him again, and realised that my love for him is not fear based, not desperate, not obsessive, it's real love. I actually am really in love with him as a person and it has nothing to do with all the things I thought. He and I are actually real and I know he feels the same way. I don't feel like I have a time limit anymore before he moves on from me, because I realised, real love stays, it always stays, and we will always have it especially when we're near each other. We have the perfect combination of lust and love and admiration for each other, we reflect each other, we are part of the same soul wave, we see the world the same way, we want the same things...that's how I know that my fight for us to be together is not in vain and it's not stupid. I don't have to let him go, because he and I are connected, we're in love even when we're seemingly not in love...I'm really happy today to know that I can wake up everyday feeling like there is a boy out there who thinks like me, who sees things like me, who loves like me and I'm not alone and I appreciate that fact so much. That alone makes me happy. I can meet other guys who have aspects of what I like, but me and this person have that star quality, and life is long, and as long as we're both true to ourselves, we will be together again. I am grateful to have had him in my life and I am grateful that he fell in love with me, it would have been so sad to never have met him! So sad to have met him but for him to not like me ! But that's not what happened and now I wake up alone but not very alone, my heart is happy. I don't connect with many people, I don't even understand most people, but he gets me and I get him and it's just nice to know that