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3/27/2016 10:45 am  #1


How did this happen??

Hi guys I need some advice... Me and my guy have been seeing each other on and off...like we will see each other a couple of times then he kind of withdraws for a few weeks and is back again. He's apologized before about this and saying that he gets into these depressed spells where he goes into recluse and he's been really busy. The whole situation has been kind of frustrating to me especially since I'm in limbo with what I am too...I'm not really a friend cause clearly he thinks of me as something more yet we aren't in a relationship or anything yet. Well a few nights ago I get a message from him asking if I had plans that night and then he asked to cuddle....and then he was going on about how something really bad just happened and he was feeling really down. He tells me that a girl he's known for a long time had expressed feelings for him and now all of a sudden has cut him off and told him to never talk to her again. He told me how he was hurt for being pushed around and that it was worse for him because of the bad anxiety he gets. I asked if he had feelings for her and this was his response: "well in some ways, but it left me confused more than anything." I agreed to see him that night, mainly because I wanted to get down to the bottom of this and I wanted to know exactly what I was and meant to him. I was hurt and furious. I acted nurturing to him because I knew yelling at him would make it worse. Well he never mentioned anything when I saw him, in fact he seemed quite happy-go-lucky and stress-free and acting like we were a couple...so much to the point I forgot about this girl entirely. I spent the night and when I woke up he was a bit sullen (he's like that everytime he wakes up I've noticed) and we have each other a long hug and a few kisses and I went to work. I said, "I don't know when I'll see you again..." And he said soon. And I went to work. I noticed later on FB he posted a picture of a basket of goodies and a positive message his coworkers gave to cheer him up on this "rough day". So I guess he's still bothered. Now this whole girl thing has been really bothering me...I feel like the one having been pushed around and if anything I'm feeling as anxious as he is about her. Like what am I to him? I was so surprised he was even remotely interested in someone, besides me...it never crossed my mind. I've been worried in the past about his ex, but he recently unfriended her from Facebook and hasn't mentioned her recently...so that was the last I stopped worrying about anyone else. I had briefly been worried about other girls coming into the picture, but I just pushed it out of my head and it didn't last long at all. And this past week or two I had been feeling really good about us and visualizing and feeling like something really good was about for us...then this girl mysteriously pops into my reality. Now I don't know what to think what can I do to make the situation better?

Last edited by Tinkerbell (3/27/2016 10:57 am)

 

3/27/2016 11:49 am  #2


Re: How did this happen??

In my opinion...

You worried about his ex, then about other girls.. and then this girl appears.

When you push away the problem, it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist anymore. Plus, it becomes stronger and it is in front of your eyes again and again untl you listen to it. It will make its presense stronger and stronger till you listen to it.

You have to deal with it. And you know if you will have successfully dealed with it when you wont be affected or aftaid anymore.

See it. Name it, what is it? If you had to put it in a phrase. Jealousy, you compare yourself to the other girls, you want tk be the center of his life? What is it?

Accept the problem. What is it that you don't want? Then, you will know what you do want. Accept yourself with every fear. Bring your attention back to you. You are your center, not he. Remind yourself thay you are beautiful, a nice person, that you are loved. Feel the love around you. Assume that everyone you love loves you and always stands by you. Write down 10 reasons why you are such a loving person in relationships. What do you offer? Why are you so good at it, what are your qualities? Seriously, find the reasons one by one.

In other words, stop observing what is and work with your inner world. Focus on you and feel love for yourself. Try to remember if there was a time you felt that you are incredible. What happened, how did you feel? Try to recall this feeling and feel it again now.

After all these, visualize you too together and him in love with you. But be always your center. Focus on you, your happiness and your wishes, fullfiled.

 

3/27/2016 3:58 pm  #3


Re: How did this happen??

Thank you Milk & Honey, I'll try focusing on those things. Β  Those negative thoughts had crossed my mind in the past, but they never bothered me again. And I've been in such good vibration about it lately, it felt kind of a blow why this happened all of a sudden. I'm trying to see this as a more positive thing -- maybe this occurred to make him realize how much of a gem I am and that he needs me. Maybe this is just a fancy and I shouldn't think of it like that, I don't know.

     Thread Starter
 

3/27/2016 4:52 pm  #4


Re: How did this happen??

Just focus on you. Be confident, strong and love yourself more than anyone and anything. You can never control what happens around you, it is like chasing shadows. Control your inner world and the shadows will change ☺

 

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