I usually just tell my friends that my guy and I are well! And leave it at that I don't go into anymore detail! If they pry for more information I just politely tell them that I do not like to discuss my relationships. I came to realize as I have gotten older that not everybody is for you and sometimes are even jealous and are secretly happy for your unhappiness. Just tell them you and him are well venture off in a topic. Don't discuss anything with the because it will lead you to thinking about the past and they will probably give you unwanted advice

black08 wrote:

Thanks. I'm trying hard not to talk about him. Not many know we've spoken since breaking up. With the convo we had I felt good about what he said, but now haven't talked to him aside from a brief message. That he responded to instantly. Although I did dream about it last night. What thoughts and feelings do I need? I try hard to not talk about him and to remain positive but I get down. How can I cancel negative thoughts?

What about the pics I saw - I don't want to look too much into them. But he seems to be out drinking a lot. And I was happy to see him with all guys and to not look as good as before. Is this a good thing?

I would take it as a good thing. My guy looks like he put on some weight since we last spoke, maybe about 10 lbs. I saw it as a good thing because that means he's not focused on working out, taking care of himself, etc., which tells me he probably not dating anyone... crazy, I know. But that's how my mind works... LOL
 

I would just be general if anyone asks, there is no need to go into specifics about anything. If someone says how are you and your guy doing, you can say something like, "oh things are going in the right direction, but let's talk about you instead!" You can shift the conversation to a different topic and talk about something else. Hopefully something really positive and fun!

You need to bring the focus back to YOU. There's nothing you need to do to cancel a negative thought.. except flood YOIRSELF with positive thoughts instead. And don't contact him. Work on YOU and draw that power back to yourself. Don't worry what he's doing. You don't need to creep on his social media and make panicked assumptions. Drop it. I got my guy back, but it came when I realised my focus on a text message was ridiculous. And I mean this in the nicest possible way. You have to let go of the need for a response, by busying yourself with YOUR fabulous life. When you turn your attention back to YOU and how wonderful YOU are, he will absolutely feel it. Promise.

Thanks cherished. I know you're right but it still seems easier said than done. I am trying hard to work on me. I've been in a really bad place the last year or so and trying hard to get out of the depression. I really miss him, but at the same time I know I deserve to be treated amazingly and deserve complete happiness - he has capacity issues in that surface level contact with people is much easier for him. I think that's the hard part for me too - he opened up completely with me only to shut me out. I think he did it out of fear because the way he feels for me scares him. I want contact with him and to work things out. Is thinking I deserve better bad?? I wouldn't think so but I don't want to put it out there that I don't want him.... I know him or someone better but how do I get over the fear that it won't be him??

I have been told he's been having one night stands and again that everything is meaningless and surface level.  I'm trying not to care or think about it but it's hard. What can I do to not think of about it?
I know he's been drinking quite heavily too, and I think as a self medicating tool. As I said before he seems to have put on some weight and that made me happy... I feel like his actions and lifestyle are taking a toll on him. And with that I know he must be realizing what a great thing he had with me and will be sad I'm not there.
He did tell me when we last spoke it's hard for him to talk to me because with everyone else there are no feelings involved. But then the last we were interacting he said he was busy while still seemingly keeping a foot in the door as I gave him the option to tell me he doesn't want to talk at all. I don't think he was sparing my feelings by not saying no I don't want to talk, and just saying he had other things going on. Although he did say he didn't have anything to say... I feel like me not responding to him was good. - not to play games but I think he was expecting a reaction from me.

Social media is the devil in that I see activity and don't want to think too much into it. I tried deleting the whole thing for awhile but now am wondering if I should just delete him?

Lots of questions, my apologies. I feel better than I did eight months ago but I still think of him constantly and don't want to!