I talked about this before on the forum (http://veronicaloa.boardhost.com/viewtopic.php?id=1635), but my Pop-Pop is about to leave this world. He has pneumonia and is on a respirator but they're about to take him off, and he also has MRSA in his lungs. My stepmom called me last night to tell me he's probably going to pass away this week .

It's weird though, this has me feeling really passionate and focused about life. I think this shows just how far I've come on my LOA journey.

My Pop-Pop's been in and out of the hospital for years, and I always thought if he passes away I'd be devastated. Now that it's his time, I'm definitely sad, but I don't feel paralyzed. I feel passionate, as if this new fire was just lit in me. Him passing away reminds me how quickly the good things in life can go.....so why waste your time on all the bad? You have to enjoy the positive, because one day it may not be here.

I feel like reading a lot today, and watching movies and going for a run. Life's too short and I don't want to wallow anymore. I just want to enjoy life from now on. I feel like getting to know my coworkers better and not simply going to work and being cordial with them on a surface level. I feel like losing myself in my writing, and putting all these new feelings into my work, and finally FINALLY finishing my book.

I want to honor him and his life, but I don't want to stop moving in my own life because I've been making so much progress. I used to think grieving meant locking yourself away in a room for weeks and not being happy. But I see now that it can be a much more pro-active, and even positive, endeavor.

Also, if you've been following my story you know I sent my guy an email last November right when his grandpa was dying and he said some horrible things to me. But now that I'm going through the same thing, I understand where he was coming from. You feel such a surge of strong nebulous feelings when you first find out you're losing somebody, and you don't know the best way to deal with them, so sometimes these feelings come out negatively so you end up lashing out/hurting the people around you. I think maturity is going from resenting somebody's actions towards you, to then trying to understand them, to then maybe empathizing with them, to finally accepting and forgiving them. That's where I feel right now.

I don't feel the need to reach out to him for strength anymore, because I feel as if I have an abundant supply within me. 

I feel awakened. I know I'm strong enough to get through this, and use the situation to make my life better than it's ever been.

To everyone out there: know that every situation can be a positive no matter how bleak it may seem. Losing a job can be a doorway to a new career. A breakup can be an impetus to change who you are. A death of a loved one can be a reminder of what's important in life. A bad experience can serve to push you to tighten your hold on all the good in life.

All I can say is make today a good day. No matter what. Seriously. Stop wallowing or crying. Tell those closest to you how much they mean to you. Do something you've never done before. Immerse yourself in all that life has to offer.