I'm doing much better today. MUCH better. Everything is going my way. I just need to realize that and see that.

I want to give a special shout-out to Sam, Veronica, and Cherished for helping me overcome my rough weekend. I know Sam is no longer in the forum for the time being, but she's helped me outside of the forum with her kind insight. Veronica is always there to help me whenever I need her. 24/7. Even when she has the flu. And Cherished knows exactly what to say to make me realize that I got this!

There's the perfect time for everything. Instead of me trying to force an outcome, I need to trust in my intentions (being with my ex in the perfect house with an amazing family), and let go. Completely let go.

When I woke up, a part of me was still torn on the house, but I think at this point, I'm going to pass on it. That is, unless she messages me today saying, "Oh wow, that house is absolutely beautiful and perfect. Let's move in there together and have 15 babies." But the fact me getting it is dependent on her reaction to it tells you that it's not the right decision.

I need to move on to another opportunity, and actually table looking at houses for now. I haven't even seen my ex in person since the breakup. We've only talked on the phone twice. I need to get more of a commitment from her that she's ready for me again before I change my life by moving away to her town. There are tons of houses in that area, anyway -- I need to do this right and not try to force the situation by moving down there just to be closer to her. A little more time to reflect will do me wonders. My only worry (and I'm creating this worry) is my last text message to her was filled with excitement about me making an offer on a gorgeous house near her. She didn't respond, but now she may think I'm moving closer to her, when really, I'm not yet. She may be worried. She may be excited. She may be hesitant and agitated. I have no idea what she's thinking or how my message impacted her. One thing I definitely know is that she's curious. But her apparent disinterest in my message really messes with me. Same with her apparent disinterest in my Valentine's Day rose. Non-responses. Maybe because I was expecting some epic responses instead of just messaging her out of love as if we were already together? I don't know. But I manifested her behavior. Perhaps to get me back on track so I stop chasing and forcing and I get back to living and loving.

But, now that I have had some time to reflect, in a way, my latest text message was a good one, because it helped me realize that buying that home is not the right move at this time. It helped me refocus my attention on me and other things and areas of my life.

Also, the message was good because it'll keep her guessing and wondering. It helps me be the  International Man of Mystery. And, when she calls or texts me about the house (and we know she will, at some point), I can simply tell her it fell through but I'm looking at other houses and want to make sure I get one that is absolutely perfect. I won't even ask her to be a part of the process. I can't force her to do anything, and the past two phone calls, I definitely was trying so hard to get her to be with me, see me, rekindle the old relationship, and apologize. But the old relationship is dead. I guess I expected my ex to get all excited about me getting a house close to her (because she said on the phone that's what she wanted). But, it doesn't work that way. And, unconsciously, I wanted her to pick out the house with me. Which is why I'm getting the result I'm getting right now.

So, now that the stress of this house is behind me (I just need to tell my Realtor today that I'm moving on), I'm shifting my focus on me and my inner work. I'm sending my ex lots of love. I'm losing my expectations. I'm getting rid of my fears and worries. I'm not anxiously waiting for her to call me. I'm gaining confidence and realizing my self-worth. I'm the prize here, and she needs to work to earn me back. I know that sounds selfish, but she has no skin in the game. I manifested her running from me right now, and the only way to get her chasing me is to recognize my own self-worth and value. I have everything she wants. She is in love with me and she misses me. The perfect house and the perfect situation will come if I just relax and try to make it through this eye of the hurricane, where everything is silent.

So, to recap, I really love that house, but I just want to feel confident that I'm making the right decision. My motivation was driven on fear -- I wanted to be close to her so I'd bump into her. That's not a good reason to buy a home. In fact, all that does is tell the Universe, "I'm not good enough, so I have to put myself right next to her to force myself on her. I have to do all of these things to 'win' her back because I'm not worthy or good enough just being me." Any woman should jump fences to be with me. I don't need to buy a home next to her and pop up in her life just to coerce her into being with me. On the contrary. My ex should be calling me, asking me to get together, asking me when we're going to hang out, asking me when we're going to look at houses together, asking me when we're going to get married and start a family.. That's what I really want. Deep down. My unconscious knows that, which is why I'm blocking certain things.

Back to square one for me. I'm going to focus on everything I am grateful for. My amazing job, my awesome family, my great friends, the beautiful weather here, and all of you.

I'm sorry for the long post. I just had to share this with you all.

I'm in a much better place. It finally clicked -- I am in charge of my destiny.

But, hey everyone.... Wouldn't it be cool for me to be back with my ex?

Last edited by ForgetYourEvil (2/22/2016 10:59 am)