1) I think it's the way we think about the ex that creates desperation and need. If you think of this person as your only reason to be happy, then you're not doing yourself any favors. I've been taking more time lately to find more of what makes me happy and I think it really boils down to just being yourself as best you can, the real you, acting on what you feel is best in your heart. Maybe that's a little too esoteric or too simple, but it's helped me lately. If you say I can't be happy without my ex, a specific person, a certain job, income, etc. then we are holding our own happiness hostage. Why would you want to do that? Don't we deserve to be feel alright regardless of what we have?

2) What exactly does letting go mean? People throw it around but it sounds so ambiguous. Do we let go of desire? No, that would be unnatural. Do we let go of fear and doubt? I prefer that way of thinking about it. Stop giving a crap about the crap that makes you feel like crap; decide now to live your life in a way that will make you feel better. That is my favorite way of letting go. Do we let go of the ex? Maybe. I see no reason to keep thinking about the ex over and over again if it feels bad. My way of letting go is to let go of needing this and that to be happy now, be cool without it, feel awesome now instead of waiting for that stuff to make you feel good.

3) Yes, they can both work together, RS to me is just visualization with a fancy name. You visualize a scene in which you have what you desire (romance with your ex), you feel good about it, you keep doing it until it feels so real, eventually it will feel so real to you that you won't feel a need to visualize anymore. It's like a video game, at first you're so excited that you play all day long and then eventually you get a little bored and move on, even though you still love that game. So it can be with RS, you've done it enough, it feels like a done deal, and then you can let go. But here's the good part: letting go is so easy once you feel like it's a done deal, once you've felt the feeling of the wish fulfilled for long enough, you won't feel a need to think about it at all. That's what happened to me (and to friends who did RS long enough).

4) Some people do RS and still feel crappy, complaining that their ex isn't back and how they want to die. OK, we've all felt like that but I see no point in trying the same thing over and over when it's just punishing yourself. If RS isn't working for you and it feels so bad to think about your ex, then detach from it, live your life, find other stuff that makes you happy. Or think better-feeling thoughts about love. Tell a new story about you and love, one that feels better. Sometimes, it helps to find your confidence and happiness first. I think part of the reason why there's so much sadness and pain in the ex-back community, no matter how much RS they do and no matter how many positive thoughts they will try to think about the ex, is that they haven't fully taken the time to heal and be OK with the loss they went through. They haven't taken the time to find themselves again, to know their own power, to find their own confidence, to really be the person they want to be and be authentic and cool with themselves. No, they rely on their ex to bring these feelings out of them instead of giving themselves that power, so when they think about the ex there's so much desperation and doubt. Healing yourself and learning to be whole again first can make visualization much smoother. Well, just my opinion anyway based on what's worked for me.

Letting go/detached = knowing it has happened /is happening
Attached = fear that it won't happen

Colonel Roosevelt wrote:

1) I think it's the way we think about the ex that creates desperation and need. If you think of this person as your only reason to be happy, then you're not doing yourself any favors. I've been taking more time lately to find more of what makes me happy and I think it really boils down to just being yourself as best you can, the real you, acting on what you feel is best in your heart. Maybe that's a little too esoteric or too simple, but it's helped me lately. If you say I can't be happy without my ex, a specific person, a certain job, income, etc. then we are holding our own happiness hostage. Why would you want to do that? Don't we deserve to be feel alright regardless of what we have?

2) What exactly does letting go mean? People throw it around but it sounds so ambiguous. Do we let go of desire? No, that would be unnatural. Do we let go of fear and doubt? I prefer that way of thinking about it. Stop giving a crap about the crap that makes you feel like crap; decide now to live your life in a way that will make you feel better. That is my favorite way of letting go. Do we let go of the ex? Maybe. I see no reason to keep thinking about the ex over and over again if it feels bad. My way of letting go is to let go of needing this and that to be happy now, be cool without it, feel awesome now instead of waiting for that stuff to make you feel good.

3) Yes, they can both work together, RS to me is just visualization with a fancy name. You visualize a scene in which you have what you desire (romance with your ex), you feel good about it, you keep doing it until it feels so real, eventually it will feel so real to you that you won't feel a need to visualize anymore. It's like a video game, at first you're so excited that you play all day long and then eventually you get a little bored and move on, even though you still love that game. So it can be with RS, you've done it enough, it feels like a done deal, and then you can let go. But here's the good part: letting go is so easy once you feel like it's a done deal, once you've felt the feeling of the wish fulfilled for long enough, you won't feel a need to think about it at all. That's what happened to me (and to friends who did RS long enough).

4) Some people do RS and still feel crappy, complaining that their ex isn't back and how they want to die. OK, we've all felt like that but I see no point in trying the same thing over and over when it's just punishing yourself. If RS isn't working for you and it feels so bad to think about your ex, then detach from it, live your life, find other stuff that makes you happy. Or think better-feeling thoughts about love. Tell a new story about you and love, one that feels better. Sometimes, it helps to find your confidence and happiness first. I think part of the reason why there's so much sadness and pain in the ex-back community, no matter how much RS they do and no matter how many positive thoughts they will try to think about the ex, is that they haven't fully taken the time to heal and be OK with the loss they went through. They haven't taken the time to find themselves again, to know their own power, to find their own confidence, to really be the person they want to be and be authentic and cool with themselves. No, they rely on their ex to bring these feelings out of them instead of giving themselves that power, so when they think about the ex there's so much desperation and doubt. Healing yourself and learning to be whole again first can make visualization much smoother. Well, just my opinion anyway based on what's worked for me.

Thank you so much for that detailed reply, it makes more sense now.
God bless you
 

It's been explained like this to me: Letting go is just like ordering in a restaurant or ordering something online and waiting for it to arrive. You don't stress and worry and get anxious that your food won't come or that your online order won't get delivered. You order it, pay for it (or in our case, do the "work" of visualizing and feeling good) and then you just wait for it come. You know that it takes time for your food to be prepared and for your order to be fulfilled, packed, shipped out, delivered, etc. It's the same with LOA, RS, etc. So don't stress, your order has been placed, you've already paid for it... just wait for it to be delivered!