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8/25/2017 4:14 pm  #11


Re: Why your situation is not hopeless

Thanks so much for this reminder

 

8/25/2017 9:55 pm  #12


Re: Why your situation is not hopeless

Staceylouuu91x wrote:

YesIWILL wrote:

THank you so much for this. It gives me hope.

However, even if it's been 2 years, she's still ignoring you, and is almost certainly with another guy?

Easier said than done but you need to change your core beliefs. Look inside and see why you feel the way you do. Then work on the issues through affirmations, going for walks or whatever you feel the right form of action fo the given situation is.Β 
Β 

Thank you Stacey! When I think about her, I feel negative, knowing she doesn't even care about me in any way, etc. So I need to change that. Lately I've been SO tempted to create a secondary facebook to check her profile (I haven't done this before. And since she's blocked me, I haven't looked at anything like that.) but I guess part of me just wants to know if I can find that she's seeing someone else or not because not knowing IS killing me, but also finding out would break me. Just thinking of her with someone else spikes my anxiety through the room to an indescribable degree. So I'm trying to remain calm. Any depression I feel is because of what we had, and how we don't have that now, and (using logic) never will.Β 

The only thing I can do is try to remain calm, not fear, and trust that she'll come back. I just don't know how to when all evidence points otherwise. I've been trying to find the "root" of this fear, and I know what it is. It's the "fear of the now", and the "fear that she won't come back". Knowing she hates me, or feels indifferent, knowing just how much she's stated she WON'T ever be with me, nor talk to me again., and knowing that at least using logic, she'd never come back after how broken everything is. It causes me depression. I've been trying to break through it, but oddly enough, I don't think I can without her being back in my life as more than aΒ friend. I know that sounds needy, but I don't think it comes from a place of neediness. It comes from a place of loss and missing. And the only way to fix that is to bring her back. So it's kind of a catch 22, and I'm trying really hard to deal with how I'm going to proceed, because I know I don't trust that she'll be back. I can't have that much faith. Because that seems utterly impossible. Especially after 2 years of ignoring and not caring. And the fact that she's probably seeing somebody else, and that she has absolutely nothing to make her think, "Huh. Maybe he was right for me. Comparing him to this new guy makes me think this new guy sucks... Gosh I wish I could have YesIWILL back...". I can't think of any circumstance in which she'd ever think that way after how horrible things have ended. Especially how unattracted she'd been toward be at the end.

I just need to find a way to trust and full-heartedly believe that she'll come back, via help of the LoA. I just don't know how to get there, without fear and worries, and the logical side coming in the way. Darn... It's affecting my daily life. I can beΒ happy, but notΒ full. I just feel like part of me is missing. And that "hopelessness" and "everything's-not-okay-ness" of depression is always looming over my head, almost as if I'm detached from reality and am just going through the motions.

Just gotta find a way to get through this and believe she'll come back. That's what I gotta do.


Sorry, just putting what's going on in my mind out there right now. I don't really have people in my life to talk to about this. So consider a form of venting, haha.

 

8/26/2017 4:16 am  #13


Re: Why your situation is not hopeless

From reading that last post it's clear you are making this woman responsible for making you, as you put it, "full". And that's the problem. It IS neediness no matter how much you argue to the contrary. You said you've identified the root of your fear too but I'd hazard a guess it goes further back than her. You say your family don't care about you. Do your perceptions of that go back to childhood? Have other women chucked you before her? I think the answers lie there, or at least that's where to start as you probably have limiting beliefs around being unwanted. You've said she was very unattracted to you at the end yet before you said it ended over a misunderstanding. I think you need to be honest with yourself about why she ended it. Did you smother her, for example and then try to make up for it? Did you get angry with her or scare her? And however you behaved, do you understand why?

And don't think about checking up on her via social media. All it will do is fuel anxiety.

You mused about her being with someone else, deciding he "sucks" and wishing she were with you instead. It's not important if she has someone else. People break up all the time.

You're putting her on a pedestal that she doesn't deserve. Read Mugginess's post about self respect and take those ideas on board.

And I'm going to risk being called judgemental, harsh, rude and the names that have been floating around. No I don't think you're ever going to "get her back". Why? She's not an umbrella you left on the train. You're making her a condition of you living a full life and nobody wants that responsibility. You have to create that for yourself and then people will be drawn to that energy. Right now it's non existent.

It's almost like you're going to have to rub yourself out and draw yourself again because the way you're describing yourself is upsetting. And stop for the time being trying to have faith she'll come back. She won't. Instead create a life that people will want to be a part of, including her. That takes work, self respect and discipline. And that is why your situation is not hopeless.

Last edited by PrettyFlamingo (8/26/2017 4:42 am)


Be a flamingo in a flock of pigeons.
 

8/26/2017 9:41 am  #14


Re: Why your situation is not hopeless

PrettyFlamingo wrote:

From reading that last post it's clear you are making this woman responsible for making you, as you put it, "full". And that's the problem. It IS neediness no matter how much you argue to the contrary. You said you've identified the root of your fear too but I'd hazard a guess it goes further back than her. You say your family don't care about you. Do your perceptions of that go back to childhood? Have other women chucked you before her? I think the answers lie there, or at least that's where to start as you probably have limiting beliefs around being unwanted. You've said she was very unattracted to you at the end yet before you said it ended over a misunderstanding. I think you need to be honest with yourself about why she ended it. Did you smother her, for example and then try to make up for it? Did you get angry with her or scare her? And however you behaved, do you understand why?

And don't think about checking up on her via social media. All it will do is fuel anxiety.

You mused about her being with someone else, deciding he "sucks" and wishing she were with you instead. It's not important if she has someone else. People break up all the time.

You're putting her on a pedestal that she doesn't deserve. Read Mugginess's post about self respect and take those ideas on board.

And I'm going to risk being called judgemental, harsh, rude and the names that have been floating around. No I don't think you're ever going to "get her back". Why? She's not an umbrella you left on the train. You're making her a condition of you living a full life and nobody wants that responsibility. You have to create that for yourself and then people will be drawn to that energy. Right now it's non existent.

It's almost like you're going to have to rub yourself out and draw yourself again because the way you're describing yourself is upsetting. And stop for the time being trying to have faith she'll come back. She won't. Instead create a life that people will want to be a part of, including her. That takes work, self respect and discipline. And that is why your situation is not hopeless.

Agreed!

 

8/26/2017 11:09 am  #15


Re: Why your situation is not hopeless

PrettyFlamingo wrote:

From reading that last post it's clear you are making this woman responsible for making you, as you put it, "full". And that's the problem. It IS neediness no matter how much you argue to the contrary. You said you've identified the root of your fear too but I'd hazard a guess it goes further back than her. You say your family don't care about you. Do your perceptions of that go back to childhood? Have other women chucked you before her? I think the answers lie there, or at least that's where to start as you probably have limiting beliefs around being unwanted. You've said she was very unattracted to you at the end yet before you said it ended over a misunderstanding. I think you need to be honest with yourself about why she ended it. Did you smother her, for example and then try to make up for it? Did you get angry with her or scare her? And however you behaved, do you understand why?

And don't think about checking up on her via social media. All it will do is fuel anxiety.

You mused about her being with someone else, deciding he "sucks" and wishing she were with you instead. It's not important if she has someone else. People break up all the time.

You're putting her on a pedestal that she doesn't deserve. Read Mugginess's post about self respect and take those ideas on board.

And I'm going to risk being called judgemental, harsh, rude and the names that have been floating around. No I don't think you're ever going to "get her back". Why? She's not an umbrella you left on the train. You're making her a condition of you living a full life and nobody wants that responsibility. You have to create that for yourself and then people will be drawn to that energy. Right now it's non existent.

It's almost like you're going to have to rub yourself out and draw yourself again because the way you're describing yourself is upsetting. And stop for the time being trying to have faith she'll come back. She won't. Instead create a life that people will want to be a part of, including her. That takes work, self respect and discipline. And that is why your situation is not hopeless.

That confused me a little bit, but I think I understand.Β 

Thanks.

 

9/02/2017 8:10 am  #16


Re: Why your situation is not hopeless

How have you got on Will?


Be a flamingo in a flock of pigeons.
 

9/02/2017 6:02 pm  #17


Re: Why your situation is not hopeless

PrettyFlamingo wrote:

How have you got on Will?

Got... on? How do you mean?

 

4/15/2018 9:29 am  #18


Re: Why your situation is not hopeless

Ok but how?? I mean, gosh, I’m so lost in all this. I want my person back for sure but I kinda lost hope and yes, I’m at the point where I think it is working for everybody else but me. I don’t even know where to begin!

 

4/16/2018 5:06 am  #19


Re: Why your situation is not hopeless

I'm no expert at this by any means ....Β  Accept the fact you love your poi, then put it aside on mental shelf for a bit (its not going to disappear) then figure out what makes YOU happy ie walks in the open, jogging, gardening, dancing, going out with friends or by yourself ... live your life like you already have what you desire not like you don't have it ... learn how YOU can make yourself happy .... you were happy with your self before you met this person and they just joined in ... let go of the if, but, where and how of your relationship .... when feeling all the 'downer' things come calling realize it is just that 'a message to tell you 'CHANGE YOUR FOCUS' and refer to shelf for loving feelings .... remember how loved you felt and especially how it felt to GIVE love to your special person and be proud and happy that you CAN still give that love, imagine it, live in it, be strong in it, be happy in giving itΒ  ... THEY WILL FEEL IT.... carry on with doing what ever makes you smile hard out!! ... they WILL join in again!

 

5/20/2018 10:04 am  #20


Re: Why your situation is not hopeless

Thank you so much for this post! ! It clarifies that my situation will change and that my desires and prayers are answered! ! In the mean time I'm doing everything in My power to just be and to just be happy! !!


Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer! Romans 12:12
 

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