akuma wrote:

 Don't overthink just calm the bizarre inside you by doing what makes u happy. 

And this made me laugh. Calm the bizarre. Good advice.

Hi,

I feel dumb because I emailed him, he replied and then I  replied to that and he hasnt followed up. I am regrerting even emailing first because I broke the NC by doing that.
If I didn't he might still be in a position of wanting to talk to me. Now I feel he knows he can always get me. That's what I mean by upper hand
You say "if we are on good termsaybe my understanding of good terms is different to his.

I want it to be my easy and open and frequent and I do t know what he wants. All I know is I feel dumb for sending g the email and I want to get out of that feeling.
I want to think positive.

We have not spoken to each other at all in 9 months. I unfriended him on FB in Dec 2017, saw him in March when he came over and spoke briefly, but after that NC. Last week I saw him at an event but did not approach him, but he was clearly trying to get me to see him. He was sitting two rows in front of me and kept turning around. He stood up to leave when I stood up to leave. But I left without saying anything to him.

I felt bad and honestly wanted to reach out to him because I liked the thought that he was trying to get my attention.

So, the next day  I emailed him, saying that I saw him at the end of the event but that I had to leave immediately.
He replied later that night saying he was disappointed that we did not talk.

I emailed back an hour later, agreeing it was disappointing and hoping he was ok and that he could reach out to me for lunch or coffee if he was ever in my area. He has not responded.
I feel so stupid. I feel like he "won"

It has been a while now,( years) too long. And it goes this way each time. Soemtimes he will break NC, sometimes I will. Should I just stop.

I feel like LOA is not working with him. I try and then think negative thoughts, then try again. I feel like either I am or he is resistant to LOA

When is contact ok? It has taken me a very, very, very long while ( I am talking years), but finally I am at a place where I am beginning to love and appreciate myself. Now, I am sending out love to my specific person instead of needing it from him. I am focusing on other things in my life and I can finally think of him in a non-needy way. Instead it is positive and uplifitng. I no longer think I have to apologize to him ( apologize to myself for thinking I was not good enough). I also no longer think that he has to apologize to me ( since everything is me pushed out!!!, re: Neville Goddard teaches as expressed by Agnes Vivarelli). Late last year, I removed him as a friend on FB to help me in the process. He begin to post things publicly. I admit that I still checked on him every now and then ( I know, I know!) So, I did the same posting publicly, as a way to keep contact. At the end of June, 2017 I stopped posting publicly and then at the end of July so did he. I was crushed. However, as I said, I have finally begun to refocus to me. With my refocusing, I admit I do still check but not half as much. I have been really feeling positive about "acting as if", and assuming it has been done. Today, my FB news feed is filled with a post from him. He wrote a blog and shared it to a group of which we are both members. Several mutual friends have since shared it. The picture he used is not his profile pic, it is one in which he is wearing the suit I visualize him to be in when I assume all is well with us. My question is: Do I respond to this post. Do I "like it" or do I ignore it? I want to like it but.....not sure. Would it be considered unnecessary contact? Please help me in this time sensitive issue. is this breaking no-contact?

Starting over.
I am a wonderful creator. All good things come my way. I love me first and foremost. My love for me and for life vibrates so highly that it attracts B to me.
Day 1 starts on dec. 15. '16.
Peace, love,joy and hope to all.