alex31 wrote:

Hi Cynthia,

I said that because at times I feel that way. Funny enough I spoke to my friend the other day who has the same issue I do and when he was explaining how irrational his thinking was it clicked for me what I have been doing to her and myself this whole time. I am thankful that she is similar too and understands what I go through. Thinking on it she may not be angry at all but she wants me to see for myself what I am doing. Your right going back through all her messages I notice she stays quiet because she doesn't want to feed into my episode. So her course of action is too let me see it on my own which is also why she is avoiding me to avoid triggering me. Everything she ever told me all said the same thing she just wants to see change and consistency. And since we are almost at the next phase of our relationship she doesn't want to carry it into our marriage. If that's not love I don't know what is. I've been seeing everything from the wrong perspective.

Also I have been taking your advice. It's just some of the teachings I have to do extra research on because the way neville explains it is a little hard to grasp for me on certain things so when I get other examples or perspectives it helps. Fpr example I just realized yesterday that I had the wrong idea of what a mental diet was but now it makes sense to me that I do.

Also I do appreciate all the help you provide me with. Don't get me wrong my last message wasn't meant to be defensive I just never understood the perspective you were coming from until now. Now that I do my sinceriest apologies it's kind of like driving through a hurricane where you know where your going but its hard to see how to get there that's how I am with my words in those situations. Also thank you for helping me with my relationship it really means alot to me.

 

Irrational. What an excellent word for it. 

Neville's got a lot of lectures and I listen to some of them most days. They are longer than the

I didn't say you were crazy, but it isn't normal behaviour to constant!y analyse every little thing and worry and fuss over it and torture yourself over things whether they are true or not.  Putting aside Neville, the law of assumption, and all of that, even from psychology alone, going by what you have been saying here, which is all I can go by, this sort of unrelenting obsessive behaviour would be enough to drive anybody crazy and drive them away. Your girl has already told you very specifically and directly how wearing this is on her, but still you go on doing it. Now she's blocked you. Is it any wonder? Put yourself in the other person's place. How would you like to have somebody else constantly analysing and second guessing and fussing over thingś and putting an interpretation on every little thing that happens or hasn't even happened and worrying about every little thing? I don't know about you, but it makes me nervous and would wear me down in no time at all.This is not a normal part of a healthy adult being in love with somebody, and more especially not when the other person has stated that they love you and want to marry you. This is a really good way of systematically destroying that. It is just too much. I don't even know you, I am neutral, and even reading all of this is too much to take. It's not going to affect me either way, but I don't want your relationship to fail. If I did, I wouldn't have replied to you when you specifically asked me and I saw that when I'd stopped replying to anybody else months ago. I've given you my advice, and you don't seem to have taken it in.

I think it would be a good idea for you to have a good think about what made your previous relationships fail and think about whether the above behaviour was a factor.

As I said before, if you can't stop yourself, get some help because you are doing yourself in. I've said all I'm going to say.

alex31 wrote:

Cynthia,

True we both know that but it's been difficult for us to let our guards down.

Ok I am listening to that one now.

I may have made a mistake I just messaged her on work I I'M just checking on how the project was since I am not there and she was the only one there. It was all work related except at the end I told her to make sure she took her medication because she always forgets and to have a good night. That was it. She had a cold response towards it. It wasn't anything relating to us so I didn't even think about it but now I wish I hadn't messaged her.

 

You probably shouldn't have sent her that message, but don't worry about it. Forget it. You are going to drive yourself and everyone else crazy if every time anything happens you have to analyse it and put an interpretation on it, especially when it's a negative one. Maybe it wasn't cold. Maybe she was just tired. Maybe it had nothing to do with you at all. Why look for trouble? Everything isn't always about you. You're using the law of assumption against yourself when you do that.

alex31 wrote:

I do very much so. That's why when I create I create strongly. I have been trying to let it go but I am not sure how because there is still no sign of her talking to me. In fact a few minutes ago she spoke to me and my coworker on group chat and she is pushing for me to stay home tomorrow. She doesn't think she is superior but she says she sees so much potential in me that I am not using. No it doesn't help it really does stress me out.

I haven't spoken to her at all and the thought of that is what stressing me to the point I am barely eating for the last few days. Wouldn't thinking that way have the reverse effect?

Oh I see what you mean. That makes sense because the first night this issue happened I left it alone and she texted me asking if i was feeling uneasy but I kept being so unforgiving of myself it pushed her to be the same. I wonder if I am causing this too. Since I am so nervous to see she is nervous to see me as well hence pushing me to stay home because she scared of confrontation. She always said if she really wanted me gone she would have me kicked off the project and she hasn't done that. Maybe she wants to stay professional to test me. I should have mentioned this before but the first time I texted her about all this she said don't be sorry be better you can't change what happened I just want you to be consistent. And she has said that she tested me before with other things. I can imagine the end still I can see the colors of the room shining on our skin as we hold each other and laugh it's still there it's like a back and forth battle right now. The good thing is i can't imagine us not being together because all my life when I have a dream that I can remember every detail it has come true. So I think our marriage will happen too. I just hate this bump in the road. I know I shouldn't worry is there any exercise to kind of steer my thoughts or raise my vibration to get out of this funk. I did that once and I noticed how she changed to

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