My SP posts videos of himself playing guitar, it's his great passion and his calling. His dedication and love for the craft really warms my heart to see, just so smiley and happy. I really want to like his videos as I genuinely do just love watching them but I feel like it goes against no contact. The thing is it makes me feel awful to force myself to not like them. So do I follow my feelings or adhere to no contact?

I recently had a situation with my SP in which he got mad at me for something and it brought up a lot of things I have bottling up. I ended up sending him a lot of long, emotionally intense messages after he specifically asked for space. The last couple of them he hasn't even read yet. I know I messed up and shouldn't have contacted him but I don't want things to end. We have been in a friends with benefits type of situation, at times bordering a relationship, on and off for a while, and before this hiccup it seemed as though things were going really well but I am really worried I scared him off for good now. Any advice?

*Edit I should add that he has been resistant to being in a relationship and has always liked a LOT of space. Really not the type of guy I should have sent emotionally charged messages to and I know that, but I wasn't thinking straight.